


Of Family and Friends

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Series: Copper and Brimstone [2]
Category: Copper and Brimstone, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coping, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Juno - Freeform, Kava, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Temerity, Therapy, Va'nan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 23:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13398885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Modern AU- Temerity is struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, and this effects everyone around him in different ways.Alternate summary: Someone Finally Helps This Boy





	Of Family and Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the Copper and Brimstone podcast.  
> I play Temerity.  
> Kava-mushygreens (tumblr)  
> Van-dennibun (tumblr)  
> Juno-humorless-hexagon (AO3)

Temerity has wet, salty streaks on his cheeks when Van finds him, and he tries unsuccessfully to wipe them away before they’re spotted. 

“There you are,” Van whispers, relief evident both on his face and in his tone. Temerity doesn’t look up; his only response is to sniffle once and and shove a hand fisted inside of his sweatshirt sleeve across his nose. 

“Temerity.” Van huffs out a soft breath, frowning deeply. “What’s going on?” 

There’s a long silence, and during it, Van breathes out another sigh and shifts a little from foot to foot. 

“School’ll be over in ten minutes.” Temerity’s voice is rough when he finally pushes out a sentence. “It doesn’t matter. You should  _ go _ , Van. Leave me alone.” 

“ _ No,”  _ Van says immediately, and the vehemence in his voice manages to surprise Temerity into looking up at him. Van stares back stubbornly, only breaking eye contact to settle himself cross-legged on the floor. He’s close enough to the space where Temerity has holed himself up under the stairwell that the top of his sandal brushes the lace of one of Temerity’s black combat boots. 

“No,” he says again, and this time, Temerity is the one who lets out a sigh. He looks away from Van, staring blindly towards the window situated on the wall opposite him. 

“...I think I want to die, Van,” Temerity says quietly. There are no tears when he finally says it aloud. He has already cried enough at the discovery.

He is numb, and so he can’t even make himself look at Van when he admits it. 

Van is hesitant, too quiet. But he doesn’t move away. 

“I know,” he finally whispers, and Temerity sucks in a harsh breath. “Or at least, I guessed. You do a lot of stuff, Tem.” There’s another pause, as Van considers his words carefully. “But you’re still my friend. And… I don’t want you to die. Your family doesn’t want you to die.” Temerity makes a dismissive sound at that, and Van nudges at his knee with one hand. “Hey. They’re your family. And you know it. They love you.” When Temerity says nothing, Van reaches out with the same hand and places it gently on his knee. “I’m not going to be upset if you don’t want me to react.” 

Temerity looks down at the hand on his knee, stares at it. But he doesn’t push it away. 

“Thanks,” he mutters eventually, finding it hard to speak through the lump in his throat. He looks at Van, and Van smiles encouragingly back at him. 

(And right then, that’s enough for Temerity to drag himself up by his bootstraps as the bell rings to signal the end of the school day.) 

\--- --- ---

Van is there when he tells Juno. He doesn’t actually  _ mean _ to tell Juno, because Juno is his older sibling and they’re kinda a pain in the ass and the two of them have never gotten along anyways. But they’re fighting, like they’ve been doing since day one, and Van is somehow in the middle of everything trying to fix it, and Temerity can’t even remember what they’re fighting  _ about  _ this time anymore because they’ve been screaming at each other for so long. Was it about the bathroom? Someone eating someone else’s leftovers? The demon incident again? 

Whatever it is, Temerity finds himself at a loss for words, so he yells out without thinking, “At least you don’t wish you were  _ dead  _ whenever you wake up every fucking morning!” in the middle of their fight. 

Juno and Van both go silent. Temerity can only hear the sound of his own breathing, too harsh and heavy, and his heartbeat pounding in his ears. 

Van steps towards Temerity, slowly, afraid that he will bolt. He doesn’t, though, so Van reaches out and puts a hand on his arm. Temerity stiffens further, but doesn’t rip his arm away. 

“Juno--” Temerity starts quietly, but Juno shakes their head. Their eyes are wide. 

“You want to die?” they say, their voice also too quiet. Everything feels wrong, with the walls still ringing with the sound of their screaming from only mere moments ago. 

“Sometimes,” Temerity answers, shooting for flippancy and missing it by a mile. His voice cracks. His face burns. 

Van rubs at his arm soothingly. 

Juno sucks in a breath and stares too long at the two boys before running a hand over their face. “You can’t just  _ say  _ something like that. You know you can’t deal with this alone,” they state. 

“Yeah, I can,” Temerity fires back defensively, finally pulling his arm away from Van, obviously attempting to incite another argument. 

“Stop it,” Van says sharply before Juno can respond. 

Both sets of eyes turn to him, and he flushes a little under the sudden heat of their combined gazes, but he doesn’t quail. 

“Juno loves you, Temerity,” Van says bluntly, staring levelly at the other boy. “I’m your friend, but their your sibling.” 

“No, they’re not,” Temerity mumbles, at the same time that Juno makes a quiet noise of disbelief. Van  _ groans,  _ and places both of his hands on his hips. (He looks like one of his mothers, surely, although no one is prepared to point that out to him at the moment.) 

“I care--” he starts, now glaring freely at both of them. “--about both of you! And you care about each other!” He looks directly at Juno. “You were  _ so excited  _ to have a little brother, Juno. You talked about it for  _ weeks  _ when you first found out that Kava would be taking Temerity in.” His gaze darts to Temerity. “And  _ you _ told me that you didn’t  _ hate  _ Juno! You’re both Kava’s kids, and it’s ridiculous to pretend that you’re not!” Van stomps his foot to emphasise his point, and Juno and Temerity both stare at him for a good second before they, instead, turn to stare at each other. 

“...I  _ don’t  _ hate you,” Temerity finally mutters reluctantly. Juno blinkes. 

“I… don’t hate  _ you _ ?” they respond sounding altogether both confused and oddly pleased by the admission. 

Van smiles sweetly at the both of them. “See?” he says. “That wasn’t so hard.” 

“Uh…” Juno clears his throat after nobody says anything else for a good thirty seconds. “Right. Anyways. I  _ don’t  _ hate you, Te _ mer _ ity, and I’d rather you not… y’know. Die. So just… don’t,” they say awkwardly. They looks like they want to say more, but instead, shakes their head and walks away. 

(They knows that Temerity won’t listen to them, but they also know what it’s like to be there. They just don’t know what to do.) 

\--- --- ---

Juno takes Van out bowling one night while Temerity and Kava are “bonding.” 

“I don’t know what to do,” Juno says agitatedly as they turn their back on the lane. The ball they just sent flying hits the middle pin and knocks down every other subsequent one, but neither of them are paying much attention. 

“It isn’t your responsibility to do anything,” Van reasons sagely as he stuffs another french fry into his mouth. 

The strike is automatically recorded, and the pins reset themselves. Juno glances up at the scoreboard distractedly, and then drops down into the seat beside Van. 

“Well, yeah, but it’s not like he’s gonna tell Mom. He has to be a little jerk about everything.” 

Van just nods and pushes the fries in Juno’s direction, wiping his hands on his pants as he stands to take his turn. 

“It’s like, could you  _ be  _ any more dramatic?” Juno asks dramatically, picking up a handful of fries and shoving them all into their mouth halfway through the question. 

Van chooses not to answer. His ball hits the bumpers three times on their way to the pins, and he only manages to knock down four of them. 

“Maybe I don’t  _ need  _ to do anything. He’s probably not even telling the truth. Little asshole probably just wants attention.” 

Van frowns at the ball return machine, where he’s moved to wait for his ball so that he can take his second try at knocking down the pins. 

“I don’t think that’s what he’s doing, Juno,” he finally says.

“How do you even know that?” Juno scoffs, brushing off the idea. 

Van picks up his ball, weighs it in both hands. “He isn’t…” He pauses, considers his words.  “He doesn’t do well, at school. People don’t really talk to him, and he’s… kinda mean, when they do. And he’s always telling people to leave him alone. He misses classes and hides under the stairwell during them. And--” Van hesitates. 

He turns and rolls the ball down the lane to give himself time to think. This time, he avoids the bumpers and manages to knock down three more pins. 

“And what?” Juno asks as soon as he sits down again. 

“About a week ago… Temerity started crying in the middle of class. He was sitting next to me, so I saw it, and… then he just got up and walked out. He was sniffling and hiding his face and nobody else seemed to notice. So I went to go find him after, and… he said he wanted to die. He  _ told  _ me that, Juno.” 

There’s a long silence between them, then, broken only by the sounds of bowling pins colliding with balls and balls hitting the polished wood of the lanes, until Juno finally musters up the resolve to speak again. 

“Well. Shit.” 

(Van finds that he can’t agree with that statement more.) 

\--- --- ---

“Mom?” Juno is in the kitchen with Kava, the latter of which is working on making dinner for her family. Juno has been flitting around the kitchen nervously for the past half hour, and Kava knows them well enough to simply wait for them to tell her what’s going on. 

“Yes?” Kava responds, pausing with the bottle of marinade hanging above the chicken that’s been thawing out on the counter. She looks over at Juno, who’s now picking awkwardly at the plastic wrapped around a loaf of bread. 

“Y’know how me and Te _ mer _ ity don’t really get along?” 

Kava furrows her brow and waits for more, but when Juno doesn’t continue right away, she hesitantly answers, “...Yes?” 

Juno pokes at the bread. “...Um…” 

Kava sets down the marinade completely. “Juno, is everything oka--?” 

“TemeritykeepstellingpeoplehewantstodieandIdon’tknowwhattodoandVansayshe’stellingthetruthandIdon’t--” 

“Woah! Juno!” Kava wipes her hands on a towel hanging over the sink, and then puts them up in an effort to stop Juno’s sudden tirade. “Hold on, slow down. Temerity keeps telling people  _ what _ ?” 

Juno makes a quiet, pained, whimpering sound. “He wants to die, Mom, and I don’t know what to do but I don’t want him to  _ die _ ! But  _ I  _ can’t help him and he’s  _ mean to me _ and I don’t know what to do!” Kava’s expression has shifted from mild alarm to heavy concern, but Juno is still speaking. “And he’ll be mad if he knows I told you but he told Van too and not you but  _ I can’t do anything  _ and  _ I don’t know what to do Mom!”  _

Upon uttering their last bit of speech, Juno all but throws themself at Kava, who keeps her balance easily. She hugs Juno tightly, he mind already whirring and spinning to try and find a solution to this new trouble. 

(She loves her babies to death, but between the two of them, she’s  _ shocked  _ at the lack of grey hair upon her head.) 

\--- --- ---

“I’m spending the night at Van’s,” Temerity announces that Saturday night. Juno is out of the house with his girlfriend-not-girlfriend, and Kava is reading on the couch in the living room that Temerity is currently passing through. She looks up, expression and voice both mild. 

“That’s alright with me, as long as it’s alright with his mothers,” she says, and although Temerity rolls his eyes, he does not make any comment about her gentle motherly prodding, and leaves the house less than ten minutes later. 

(He does not have the energy to fight.) 

\--- --- ---

The two boys are both lying under the blankets on Van’s bed in the darkness of the night-turned-morning, but neither of them are sleeping. 

“Van?” Temerity finally whispers, and Van hums softly in acknowledgement that he is indeed still awake. 

Temerity shifts a little, his body too-tense. “Why did you follow me?” 

Van doesn’t ask him what he’s talking about. (He doesn’t have to.) Instead, he wiggles a little under the blankets and responds, “You’re my friend.” 

“No, I mean… I know that, but--” Temerity sounds at-a-loss, and Van gives him the time he needs to gather his thoughts. (He knows well how getting the words from your brain to your mouth can be a hard time coming.) “How did you know where to find me?” 

“That’s where you always go,” Van responds simply, as though the answer is just that easy to give. 

Temerity frowns in the darkness; his entire body feels  _ cold _ , even though they are both tucked underneath Van’s quilt. “How do you know that?” 

“Temerity.” Van is no longer whispering, but his voice is soft and warm, and Temerity closes his eyes to let the sound of it wash over him. “You’re my  _ friend _ . I know where you go when you get sad. I know…” 

A hesitation. And then, “I know that you get sad.” 

The room is quiet for a long moment. 

“And I know that you like being left alone,” Van continues slowly, softly. “But… I’ve never seen you cry before. And I got worried.” 

Temerity doesn’t say anything else. His breathing comes harsh, too harsh for the stillness of the room, but neither of them acknowledge that he is crying until Temerity gulps loudly, choking on a sob that he is trying desperately to hold back. 

Van wriggles again, moving closer to Temerity. “I’m going to hug you now,” he whispers decisively, and that’s all the warning Temerity gets before Van is upon him, long, lanky limbs sprawled across his body in what might have passed for a hug if they were upright. 

Temerity is at a loss for what to do, and it’s obvious to both of them, so Van only tightens his hold and lets him cry. 

And Temerity finally breaks. He cries until he can’t anymore, trembling against Van’s embrace, and when he finally feels dry and exhausted and  _ heavy _ , he tucks his face in against Van’s neck and realises that he finally feels  _ warm _ . 

(And he falls asleep like that, and soon after his breathing evens out, Van falls asleep, too.) 

\--- --- ---

Temerity wakes up first, and the only thing he can think about is the  _ warmth _ . He is locked in a tangle of limbs, and he… doesn’t hate it. He is worn out, his face covered in the dried tear-tracks left over from the night before, but Van is so  _ warm  _ that he can’t bring himself to move. 

When Van wakes up, he uses a corner of the blanket to wipe the salt from Temerity’s face, and Temerity lets him. 

“Tem?” he says softly when he’s done. 

Temerity lets his eyes flicker open, and they find Van’s face to focus on easily. 

“There’s a lady, at school. She’s a counsellor, and she’s  _ really  _ nice. I’ve talked to her a couple times, when school gets too overwhelming for me, and I was thinking…” Van trails off, looking earnestly at Temerity, gathering his thoughts. 

“D’you think maybe you would want to go and talk to her? I could go with you, if you wanted. But I wouldn’t have to. It would be up to you. But I was thinking that--” 

Temerity cuts him off. “I’ll go.” 

Van’s entire face brightens. Temerity finds that he absolutely can’t look away. “You will?” 

“Yeah.” Temerity’s voice is rough. “But you have to come with me.” 

“Of course!” Van responds, nodding enthusiastically. 

(When they go downstairs later for breakfast, Temerity schools his chair closer-than-necessary to Van’s, and Van pours the syrup over Temerity’s pancakes for him.) 

\--- --- ---

Kava is waiting for Temerity when he gets home from school, and Temerity is expecting her to be. 

He speaks before she can, before the front door has even swung all the way shut behind him. “They called you.” 

Kava doesn’t lie. “Yes. They did.” 

“They said it was something they could do but they didn’t have to, but I told them they could.” Temerity’s eyes are red, his voice stilted. Kava keeps her own features as impassive as she can. 

“I appreciate you keeping me in the loop,” she tells him honestly, voice gentle. Temerity steps away from the door hesitantly, continues slowly towards his room. 

Kava doesn’t stop him. 

Temerity whips around at the base of the stairs. “Kava--” he starts, but cuts himself off helplessly. He just stares at her, gaze pained. 

Slowly, Kava steps towards him, and is encouraged when he doesn’t flinch away. Once close enough, she silently opens her arms. 

Temerity stumbles forward, dropping his backpack to the floor and tumbling into the offered embrace. He trembles in her arms as she hugs him, and it takes a moment, but slowly, it becomes clear that Temerity is frantically whispering something against her chest. 

“--ry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m--” 

Kava strokes his hair and gently shushes him, and soon the whispering fades. It is replaced with a broken sobbing that Temerity cannot even begin to hope to control. She keeps holding him until the sobbing stops, too, and she hears another whisper of different words before he pulls away and awkwardly wipes his face on his sleeve. 

“They… Um, they said you would know how to get me an appointment. With a real psychologist,” Temerity says, doing his best to make himself sound like nothing had just happened between them. 

“I can do that,” Kava agrees, and Temerity sniffles and clears his throat and leans down to pick up his bag. He nods at Kava. 

“I might go over to Van’s for dinner.” 

Kava nods, too. “Don’t stay over too late. It’s a school night.” 

Temerity rolls his eyes, but there’s a tiny hint of a smile on his reddened face as he turns away towards the stairs to try and hide it. 

“Okay. I’m gonna go do my homework now, Kava.” 

Kava smiles softly, too, because they’re getting somewhere. “Let me know if you need any help.” 

(She knows he will be okay, because she will make sure of it. Because he had whispered “Thanks, Mom,” before he’d pulled out of her embrace, and she  _ knows  _ how much that means for them.) 

\--- --- ---

> _ Juno- _
> 
> _ I didn’t ask to come here, and I didn’t want an older sibling. Plus, you’re weird and loud and smelly and just... weird.  _
> 
> _ But I don’t hate you, and sometimes you’re okay. Sometimes. Plus, Harriet’s pretty cool. I don’t know how you got her to like you, but I hope she stays around.  _
> 
> _ Kava loves you. And it’s really weird, but I’m starting to think she loves me too. So I’ll try not to yell at you so much, because I think it makes her sad. (It makes Van sad, too, but that’s beside the point.) But only if you try not to yell at me, too.  _
> 
> _ -Temerity _
> 
> _PS Melissa smiled a lot when I mentioned you to her. She says hi and told me to give you a hug. I’m giving you this letter instead._

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this I love and appreciate you. 
> 
> Kudos/comments are love. Come yell at me on tumblr @deathishauntedbyhumans


End file.
